A few years ago we hit
hard times and had to cut down expenses. I cut back our TV service which meant
we lost all but about 5 channels. My roommate Jane
said, “Carolyn, I gotta tell you, I’m really having a problem with getting less
channels. I miss not having baseball.” At that moment I realized that the loss
of anything is like the death of it and as long as we live on this earth, grief
and loss are realities. So how can we deal with them in the most positive way?
Trying to ignore the loss of something or
someone is just as devastating as letting ourselves get overwhelmed by it. It’s
better to face the loss head on and admit to it. We especially need to
acknowledge our emotional reactions, speaking them out loud, even writing them
down; to answer the question, “How do I really feel about all this?” Most
people know we have to give the grieving process time before we can move on.
Sorrow is universal. There’s plenty of studies
on it, but still much to be learned about how it works, how long it takes, and
the effects it has on a person. The one thing we do know is that it’s a process
and it varies with situations and people.
We can see from the Bible different examples of grieving.
Signs included tearing one’s robe, weeping, having disheveled hair, putting
dust and ashes into one’s hair or shaving the hair or beard. Other indications
of sorrow included wearing black or sad-colored clothing, removal of ornaments
or neglect of person, fasting or abstinence in meat or drink, and wearing
sackcloth. Sackcloth was made of goat or camel hair and was course and
uncomfortable.
All of these reactions are manifestations on the
outer man, of what is being felt on the inside. One Bible dictionary said that
men were generally more silent in grief and women more vocal and demonstrative.
The grieving process hasn’t really changed much
over the years. Just one example I can think of is female friends who’ve done
something to change the style or color of their hair after a divorce. I don’t
know if it’s even a conscious decision or an extension of the inward, inherent
grief reaction.
In the Bible, the days of mourning also varied.
In the case of Jacob, it was 70 days (Gen 50:3). In Saul’s case, only 7 days (1
Sam 31:13). In Moses’ time the official period of grief was 30 days.
For everyone there comes a time when the
grieving must stop; not the memory but the extended deep sorrow and negative
effects on everyday life.
When Moses died and the allowable 30 days was
over, God told Joshua it was time for him to get up and get going. I think that
a lot of times we need someone with insight to help us get going too, to wake us
up out of our grief and get us to move on before the sorrow destroys us or
makes us someone nobody wants to be around.
I know I needed a push when my dog Spike passed
away. I was so sad I couldn’t see getting a new dog and had convinced myself
that I couldn’t get one because of our old cat. My friend Miki kept pestering
me with pictures of rescue dogs that needed homes and I kept pushing the idea away.
Then my roommate Jane rescued an abandoned starving chihuahua from an alley by
our house. We made two failed attempts at giving him away and finally got the
message: “Keep the dog!” My time of grief was supposed to be over and God was
working through insightful people, forcing me to move on.
When God pushed Joshua, it was a new thing for
him. Moses was gone and now he had the responsibility to lead God’s people. I’m
sure it was a little intimidating. Any time we have to embrace something new,
after losing something we loved, it’s hard. But we don’t have to do it alone. God
told Joshua, “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,
neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou
goest” (Joshua 1:9).
When we lose our loved
ones, our homes, our jobs, our 150 channels, it’s normal and it’s right to
grieve those things.
The most positive
response to loss is to recognize and face the loss head on, acknowledging it
for what it is and letting all the corresponding emotions come to the surface
and come out. Then lastly wake up to know the loss has opened up an opportunity
to seek and trust the Lord to fill the gap.
In Isaiah 48:6 God
promises He will show us new things, hidden things that we’ve never known
before. “I have
shown thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not
know them.”
We put our hope in
God and the Lord Jesus Christ, that when the grieving process has run its
course, there will be something wonderful and new to enjoy. And one day all
grief will be gone.
“God shall wipe
away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither
sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain” (Rev 21:4). What an
amazing and awesome promise to all who have chosen to believe and accept Jesus
Christ as Lord.
***HAPPY NEW YEAR***
Love, Carolyn
If you’d like a FREE PDF printable copy of any
of my sample books, go to Amazon and just let me know at cjmolica@hotmail.com which one you’d like. http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&index=aps&keywords=WINGS%20Carolyn%20molica&linkCode=ur2&tag=jmbcsds-20&linkId=XQMVLVZYNBLYAGEM
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