HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS

HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS

Several years ago, we hit hard times and had to cut down expenses. I cut back our TV service, which meant we lost all the sports channels. My roommate Jane said, “Carolyn, I gotta tell you, I’m really having a problem with this. I miss not having baseball.” At that moment, I realized that the loss of anything is like the death of it and as long as we live on this earth, grief and loss are realities. So how can we deal with them in the most positive way?

 

Trying to ignore the loss of someone or something is just as devastating as letting ourselves get overwhelmed by it. It’s better to face the loss head-on and admit to it. We especially need to acknowledge our emotional reactions, speaking them out loud, even writing them down, to answer the question, “How do I really feel about all this?” Most people know we need to give the grieving process time before we can move on.

 

Sorrow is universal. There’s plenty of studies on it, but still much to be learned about how it works, how long it takes, and the effects it has on a person. The one thing we do know is that it’s a process and it varies with situations and people.

 

We can see from the Bible different examples of grieving. Signs included tearing one’s robe, weeping, having disheveled hair, putting dust and ashes into one’s hair or shaving the hair or beard. Other indications of sorrow included wearing black or sad-colored clothing, removal of ornaments or neglect of person, fasting or abstinence in meat or drink, and wearing sackcloth. Sackcloth was made of goat or camel hair and was course and uncomfortable.

 

All of these reactions are manifestations on the outer man, of what is being felt on the inside. One Bible dictionary said that men were generally more silent in grief and women more vocal and demonstrative.

 

The grieving process hasn’t really changed much over the years. Just one example I can think of is female friends who’ve done something to change the style or color of their hair after a divorce. I don’t know if it’s even a conscious decision or an extension of the inward, inherent grief reaction.

 

In the Bible, the days of mourning also varied. In the case of Jacob, it was 70 days (Gen. 50:3). In Saul’s case, only 7 days (1 Sam. 31:13). In Moses’ time, the official period of grief was 30 days.

 

For everyone, there comes a time when the major grieving must discontinue, not the memory but the extended deep sorrow and negative effects on everyday life.

 

When Moses died and the allowable 30 days was over, God told Joshua it was time for him to get up and get going. I think that a lot of times we need someone with insight to help us get going too, to wake us up out of our grief and get us to move on before the sorrow destroys us or makes us someone nobody wants to be around.

 

I know I needed a push when my dog Spike passed away. I was so sad I couldn’t see getting a new dog and had convinced myself that I couldn’t get one because of our old cat. My friend Miki kept pestering me with pictures of rescue dogs that needed homes, and I kept pushing the idea away. Then, my roommate, Jane, rescued an abandoned starving chihuahua from an alley by our house. We made two failed attempts at giving him away and finally got the message: “Keep the dog!” My time of grief was supposed to be over, and God was working through insightful people, forcing me to move on.

 

When God pushed Joshua, it was a new thing for him. Moses was gone, and now he had the responsibility to lead God’s people. I’m sure it was a little intimidating. Any time we have to embrace something new after losing something we loved, it’s hard. But we don’t have to do it alone. God told Joshua: “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9).

 

When we lose our loved ones, our homes, our jobs, our 150 channels, it’s normal, and it’s right to grieve those things.

 

The most positive response to loss is to recognize and face the loss head-on, acknowledging it for what it is and letting all the corresponding emotions come to the surface and come out. Then lastly, wake up to know the loss has opened up an opportunity to seek and trust the Lord to fill the gap.

 

In Isaiah 48:6, God promises He will show us new things, hidden things that we’ve never known before. “I have shown thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not know them.”

 

We put our hope in God and the Lord Jesus Christ that when the grieving process has run its course, there will be something wonderful and new to enjoy. And one day, all grief will be gone.

 

“God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain” (Rev. 21:4). What an amazing and awesome promise to all who have chosen to believe and accept Jesus Christ as Lord.

 

Love, Carolyn

 

You can find my books on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=WINGS%3A+A+Journey+in+Faith+by+carolyn+molica&crid=3GBPN2RO8RZMF&sprefix=wings+a+journey+in+faith+by+carolyn+molica%2Caps%2C257&ref=nb_sb_noss

 

 

DISAPPOINTMENT OR DECISION

DISAPPOINTMENT OR DECISION

Many of you know that I was very passionate about this midterm election. Well, it turns out that except in the case of a few judges, I was not with the majority on my voting. And every issue I voted down, the majority voted to pass through. So, what do I do? Pout? Get mad? Give up? Well maybe a little pouting, and some disappointment, but I definitely won’t give up. I truly believe God has this handled. So many times I’ve seen that God’s ultimate plan was, and still is much more far-reaching than my eyes could see. So, I trust and let Him do His job, and I get busy with His next assignment for me.

I’m getting better at being able to move ahead past disappointments. I can’t let discouragement get a toe-hold. It’s not healthy for my body or my soul.

God says: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord” (Is. 55:8). Sometimes God lets us know His thoughts and His ways before a thing happens, but sometimes we don’t catch the understanding until a time afterward. It’s necessary to rely totally on faith and trust in Him. And He promises us that He always has our best in mind.

I learned a long time ago that the loss of anything or anyone requires a period of grieving, even if it is a very short time, we have to take an honest look at the loss and deal with it.

Grieving is a universal phenomenon. There’s plenty of studies on sorrow and grief, but there’s still much to be learned about how it works, how long it takes, and the effects it has. The one thing we do know is that it’s a process and it varies with situations and people.

We can see from the Bible different examples of the grieving process. Signs included tearing one’s robe, weeping, having disheveled hair, putting dust and ashes into the hair or shaving the hair or beard. Other indications of sorrow included wearing black or sad-colored clothing, removal of ornaments or neglect of person, fasting or abstinence in meat or drink, and wearing sackcloth. Sackcloth was made of goat or camel hair and was coarse and uncomfortable. One Bible dictionary said that men were generally more silent in grief and women more vocal and demonstrative.

These were things that exhibited in ancient times, but the grieving process hasn’t really changed much over the years. Just one example I can think of is female friends who’ve done something to change the style or color of their hair after a divorce. I don’t know if it’s even a conscious decision or just part of the inward, inherent grief reaction. A lot of us get depressed or grumpy when we’ve lost something or someone.

In the Bible, the days of mourning varied. In the case of Jacob, it was 70 days (Gen. 50:3). In Saul’s case, only seven days (1 Sam. 31:13). In Moses’ time, the official period of grief was 30 days.

When Moses died, and the allowable 30 days was over, God told Joshua it was time for him to get up and get going. I think that a lot of times we need someone with insight to help us get going too, to wake us up out of our grief and get us to move on before the sorrow destroys us or makes us morose.

I know I needed a push when my dog Spike passed away. I was so sad I couldn’t see getting a new dog and had convinced myself that I couldn’t get one because of the cat. My friend Miki kept pestering me with pictures of rescue dogs that needed homes, and I kept pushing the idea away. Then my best friend Jane rescued a dog from the alley. We made two failed attempts at giving him away and finally got the message: “Keep the dog!” My time of grief was supposed to be over, and God was working through insightful people, forcing me to move on.

When God pushed Joshua, it was a new thing for him. Moses was gone, and now he had the responsibility to lead God’s people. I’m sure it was a little intimidating. Any time we’re forced to embrace something new, after losing something we loved, it’s hard. But we don’t have to do it alone. God told Joshua: “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9).

When we lose our loved ones, or if we lose our homes, our jobs, or even our well-thought-through choices on an election, it’s okay to grieve those things. It’s good to recognize and face loss head-on, then realize the loss has opened up an opportunity to seek and trust the Lord for what will be next.

In Isaiah 48:6 God promises He will show us new things, hidden things that we’ve never known before. “I have shown thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not know them.”

For me, I’m sad that things didn’t go my way in the midterm election, but I’m looking at the good things that happened. And the Lord is showing me that there’s more good to come, so I’m ready and willing to believe and see.

Love, Carolyn

SHOCKING REALITY

Thank you for being a friend!
SHOCKING REALITY
It was about a month after my dad passed away and I returned to work. My boss asked someone to back his SUV out of the warehouse. I was good at maneuvering even the bigger trucks around in tight spaces, so I volunteered. I revved up the engine, looked in the rearview mirror and started to back up…CRUNCH. I was motionless in a state of unbelief for a few seconds—I just couldn’t grasp what had happened. I opened the door and got out, staring at the pavement as I made my way around to the back of the car. I’d misjudged the entrance by a few inches, dented the fender and smashed the tail light. I stood there blurry-eyed with my shoulders slumped over and nothing to say.

Earlier that morning he’d asked me if I was okay after my dad’s passing. I honestly thought that I was and I said I was fine. Now when he came to see what the damage was, I sighed, “I guess I’m not so fine after all.”
My dad’s death affected me in ways I didn’t recognize. I wasn’t quite myself. For the next several months I had to really pay attention to my driving and I had to make an extra effort to not let my mind wander off when I was talking to someone. I wasn’t always successful at it, either. But eventually these side effects disappeared and once again I was my happy self.

At some time or other all of us experience loss and I don’t think we can predict exactly how it will affect us on the inside or how the loss will show up in our attitudes and actions on the outside.

So I was surprised when it happened again. It’s been eight years since my dad died. Then this past November, my sweet little dog Spike died the day after Thanksgiving. I was the one who had to take him to the vet to put him down. I woke up with a feeling of urgency at 2 in the morning and knew it was the day. He was having seizures closer and closer together and having more trouble breathing. I thought I might have to take him to the emergency hospital but decided to wait and take him to his regular vet at 7 when it opened.

I didn’t want to do it, but I knew I had to. He’d been trying to please us and do his normal cute stuff, but I could tell he was having difficulty.
Taking him that morning was awful, just awful. I was as brave as I could be. I took his chubby little self into the vet on the same red leash he had when he first came to us sixteen years ago. At the time he was in the hands of a nine year old neighborhood boy and his dirty-faced sister. “Ma’am could you take this dog? We already have three dogs and my dad won’t let me keep him.” There was just the slightest hesitation on my part, but then, “Yeah, sure.” My roommate Jane and I started toward our front door with a wiggly waggly-tailed brown and white King Charles puppy mix. As we reached the door, I turned back toward the boy and his sister, “Does he have a name?” The boy straightened up, “Oh Yes. His name is Spike.”

That memory was vivid in my mind as I gently held him in my arms on the cold stainless steel table in the vet’s examining room. I tried to be emotionally strong as the vet gave him the last drugs. Spike rested his head down into the curve of my upturned palm and gave me a little kiss. It was as if he was saying thank you. And he was gone. I held back the tears, but it was horrible, really horrible.

It’s been six months and I recently acquired a new cute rescue dog. We actually rescued each other. But I know deep inside I’m still not quite right. Like when my dad passed away, there’s things that are different. I hold it together pretty well but I know me—my humor, my joy, my playful razzing—pretty much diluted and weakened.

However, I KNOW IT WILL CHANGE, BECAUSE I BELIEVE GOD AND I TRUST IN HIM. I’ve been saying “My youth is renewed like the eagle’s” from Psalm 103 almost every day and today could be the day I get my happy whole self back.

In the meantime, I want to thank all of you for sticking with me. Friends who don’t give up on you when you’re going through things and acting kind of weird—they are worth way more than money can buy.

At some time in all our lives we suffer loss. It makes us a little different, a bit more vulnerable, a bit weaker for a period of time, but thank God it’s with His help we can all get through it. I agree with Romans 8: 38-39 “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” And verse 37 “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor 15:57).

With friends like you and a God like ours we can come out on the other side of loss as more than conquerors and truly victorious.

Love, Carolyn

Be sure to check out my books on Amazon under my name. I have a NEW WINGS sample book with 6 chapters on Commitment. It will be a free download Thursday thru Monday. Enjoy.