THREE QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT HELPING A LOVED ONE
When we pray for close friends or family, we sometimes miss the mark. Here are three things to consider if we really want to help someone. The first step is to ask, “What is the biggest challenge they are facing?” The second is, “What do they need?” The third question is, “What is the Lord telling me to do about it?”
Too often we look at other people’s problems from our point of view and say things like, “I wish they would just do such and such, and they would be fine and get over that problem.” We think we have the perfect solutions for those we love. But what if we look at the problem from their point of view?
Step into their shoes for a while. What is the biggest challenge they face? Are they afraid of something or someone? Are they mature enough to understand the situation? Do they feel overloaded? Is it that they don’t have anyone they trust for answers?
There could be any number of reasons a person isn’t getting blessed results in their lives. Jesus tells us: “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31). When we want someone to help us with a problem, we want them first to try to understand our side, what we’re going through.
We want people to lovingly help us, not just blast us with some rote simplistic answer and be gone. (I admit I’ve done this a time or two and been sorry after). So let’s think about how we would want someone to talk to us, how would we want someone to treat us if we had a challenge like theirs.
The Bible tells us we are members of the same body of Christ, so it behooves us to help each other. Self-mutilation is just one form of the body fighting against itself. Autoimmune diseases are another example, and suicide is the ultimate. God tells us that it is the devil who makes people oppose themselves. We, as ministers to each other in the body of Christ, are given these instructions by the Apostle Paul:
“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves;
“If God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
“And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will” (2 Tim. 2:24-26).
Whether we like it, or not, God has put all believers together, and that’s why we are able to help each other:
“So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another” (Rom. 12:5).
“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another” (Eph. 4:25).
Often it’s just a matter of asking the person what they think their biggest challenge is. Sometimes people aren’t very transparent; they’d rather keep their problems private. Depending on how well we know the person, some things we could probably figure out, but if we don’t know, the Lord can help us.
“For thou, even thou only, knowest the hearts of all the children of men” (1 Kings 8:39).
The second question is: “What do they need?” What do they think they need? Once we have a pretty good idea of what their biggest challenge is, find out what they need.
Then the third question is one we ask the Lord: “What are You telling me to do?” Maybe He’ll tell us to pray. Perhaps He’ll ask us to do something in the physical. I think He often tells us to do something in the physical realm, and we don’t act fast enough and it slips by us, or we think we only imagined it. If we think He’s telling us to do something we’re uncomfortable with, we can always ask Him about it. He’ll be glad to find a way to let us know it was really Him.
These three questions will help us when we’re serious about helping someone else:
1. What is the biggest challenge they’re facing?
2. What do they need?
3. What is the Lord telling me to do about it?
Love, Carolyn
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